Urgh, I’m having one of those gloomy sidekick kind of days. I woke up with “Blue Christmas” stuck in my head. Subtract out the holiday-ness of it, and you’ve sort of got my soundtrack of the day. “I’ll have a blue, blue, blue, blue…” … day. Sigh.
I don’t even think there’s anything amiss, other than it’s been raining for a solid week. Maybe that’s enough to bring a girl down in this land of bright sunshine and relative warmth. Partially I know it’s because I’m stressed out about the semantics presentation I have to give next week, though that in itself isn’t either very important or very difficult. Maybe it’s just the only thing I have to stress about? I’m feeling underworked again. Like my quarter is filled with people who have low expectations of me. This makes me tired, and perpetuates this feeling that I have nothing to give. I’m not a person who can run with an idea very long without guidance or support or counsil. I have to monkey-bar my way up the ladder, I don’t sail on my own. And I’m lacking those in-between-y grips.
I guess when it comes right down to it, I’m always just me, swinging into the unknown again and again. And there are a lot of days I don’t feel like I have anything worth sharing. And lonely on these bars without someone on the ground watching. All I can do is keep swinging, and wondering where these bars lead, and how soon and how far I’m going to fall.