Day one of classes, finished.
My night closes with me feeling more confused, lost, and hesitant than I have been in a while. This is probably okay. Perhaps even expected, since you can’t really go through your PhD without having at least one period of aimless flailing and panicking about not having a future.
Despite this, my day was pretty good. We had our first 103A class this morning, and I think it might be a TA’s dream. A few of the kids I’ve taught in Lin 1 are in this class, and if they’re the measure by which I judge the overall character of the class, we’re in good shape. The only students of mine that are signed up all got As in Lin 1, and I consider all very bright, promising linguists. The professor teaching it is very laid back, and section attendance is not mandatory, so I’m hoping it all adds up to a stress free quarter at least in the TA domain.
I also had the first of my real classes today – just syntax. We’re doing a really interesting topic in this class, and it’s being taught by one of my favorite professors. I’ve had classes from him before, and he has the singular ability to teach very complex theory so carefully that it all ends up seeming intuitive and logical and very much digestible. We’re definitely going to need that to get through this class, because we’re learning very much non-standard syntax, and it’s a system not a single one of us has worked with before. But so far, it sounds really intriguing and I’m looking forward to getting into it.
We had a great hang-out of ling folks afterwards. We chilled in our office for a while, and unlocked our secret door (it leads to the library next door, but you can’t actually get through it because it’s mostly blocked by a bookcase. Got some posters hung up as well, and planned a cleaning day for us all to come in and tidy the room up. It should be worth the work, because right now it’s covered in cobwebs and dust and uncollected homeworks stuffed in bookshelves from classes taught 5 or 10 years ago. I love my classmates, and especially my office mates! We all met later this evening for drinks at Sudwerk, and got to talk about how things are going so far and the new kids and such.
This talk is really what has left me feeling so conflicted. Some fears of mine are feeling a bit confirmed with regards to the professor I was thinking about picking for my advisor, and the lab I’m trying to work in. I’m just not sure this is going to be a good direction for me, and I need to do a lot of hard thinking about whether it’s one of those things worth fighting for, or one of those things that it’s time to walk away from. But on the other hand, our hang out tonight also reminded me how much I love the people here, and how supportive and pleasant everyone is. Even if my advisor issues are making life here frustrating, there are lots of people to help get me through it.
That is, if I survive the hot air balloon ride that’s knocking at my door at 5:45 tomorrow morning!