The Laursonian Institute

Merry Christmas, everyone.

It’s past midnight, so I guess that makes this technically the day after, but no worries.  It’s been a heck of a couple of days.  Got all the presents we needed bought and sent and wrapped and etc., etc., etc., though sadly my sister’s present didn’t make it to Seattle due to snow.  I’m pretty bummed about that one.  But I had the most uplifting post-Christmas chat with her on the phone about an hour ago, and it really made my whole day.  I know sometimes I can be way too aloof to be a good friend, let alone a good sister, but I’m trying to make that better.  I was really glad to get ahold of Lisa tonight and see how everything went and whine at her about stuff that went wrong and celebrate stuff that went right and talk about all the great food we made and all the neat things we got and good times we had.  I had a nice chat with Mom and Dad this morning, too, though a bit short due to my phone running out of batteries.  Sigh.  We made it, we’re not destitute, everyone seemed passably pleased, and it wasn’t just me who was feeling a little Christmas funk this year.  It’s a funky time.

And now I’m going to sleep, and dream, and wake up refreshed.  And enjoy all the wonderful thoughful things my husband gave me, and all the warm, comfy things my in-laws gave me, and maybe even have a big cup of delicious tea out of the most beautiful tea set this side of St. Petersburg.   Perhaps with pictures to follow.

And to all, a good night.

December 25th, 2008 | Tags: christmas, presents, sister | Category: life | Comments Off

I feel like I’m starting to get antsy for the new quarter.  It’s great that I feel this way already, so soon after the last quarter ended.  I feel envigorated, enthused by my coursework, and ready to plunge headlong into it all again.  I already miss the routine, the sense of purpose, the daily friend visits, and the challenges.  I miss feeling like my days have a purpose.  I’m never great at being unemployed unless I’m actually on vacation somewhere.  Having a bunch of household busywork to do isn’t really satisfying my want to create and to succeed, though I think at least half of that is because I’m not creative enough to inspire myself to do something big.    And I think this must be part of the reason I’ve been so moody this week.

The other part, as always, is the general holiday ennui I get.  I know after enough holidays in my new environment all this will be something to look forward to, too, but for now, all that occupies my mind is how much the holidays are lacking in the things that really mean “holidays” to me.  I’m trying my best to make that not true, by doing all my own traditions the best I can, but it’s odd when I feel like I’m the only force behind them and that they’re inherantly not special to anyone else.  I’m looking forward to the cookie decorating party on Tuesday… I’m making mom’s old standby sour cream cookies and frosting them with all the little sprinkles and candies Steeny sent down, and even using my same old cookie cutters that Mom must have sent me at some point.

I do a lot of yearning for forgotten items and things of my life that Mom and Dad threw away, but Chrsitmas is one time when all this stuff really shines for me.  Mom must have known how important all this Christmas stuff was (is) to me, because out of all that I lost, I have so much of the real Christmas stuff.  I have most my favorite tree ornaments, and I have my stocking, and I even have my cookie cutters so I can make the very same people, the very same candy canes, and the very same stars I’ve been decorating for as long as I can remember.  I know every place the cookies tend to fall apart (boy’s arms), which cutters you have to push down extra hard on (candy cane), and it’s as if every possible decorating scheme is already there in my head.  And I can remember all the great decorating parties of yore.. like the time Lonnie turned a boy into the terminator, or the ones we frosted all in puce… this year I think I might even make some dinosaurs!

These holidays to stress me out, both in the regular gift-buying ways, and in the mental fighting-off-resignment kind of ways, but every year I think they get better.  And they’re always so lovely with the Lawyers.

December 21st, 2008 | Tags: anxious, christmas, ennui, hoildays, traditions | Category: life | Comments Off

Marginal success of a day.  Started alright – made an appointment I needed to get done for tomorrow.  Sort of petered out after that, though I did get all our old notebooks unpacked and put away.  Six whole boxes full!  Found lots of good stuff, too, from times gone by.  Did a little Russian practice this afternoon after finding my old text book and work books.   I like Russian.

Tomorrow I’m hoping I’m feeling plucky enough to get out to the Bay and get most (or all?) of the shopping I need to finish so I can mail out the two packages I need to.  To remember for next year:  if at all possible, do Christmas shopping for out-of-town family before finals.  Two weeks between finals and Christmas is just cutting it a little close for thinking of what I need to do, doing it, wrapping it, and shipping it without having to spend 100 bucks on shipping.  But I guess that’s what Christmas is all about.

This year I’m especially worried about spending too much and not putting enough thought into what I’m doing.  Normally I put a lot of effort into Christmas stuff, but normally I’m feeling way, way more prepared than I am now.   I usually really love Christmas shopping and Christmas time but I’m feeling really deflated this year.  Burned out, I guess.  Burned out and uninspired.  Like I don’t have my shit together enough to bring anyone joy, and if you’re not going to bring any joy on Christmas, isn’t it just going through a series of half-assed expensive motions?

Perhaps I’ll feel better when I wake up.  My mornings have been pretty productive, and my evenings fairly crashed.  Count this one crashed.

December 16th, 2008 | Tags: burned out, christmas, notebooks, russian, unpaking | Category: life | Comments Off