Not What She Used to Be
It’s 2 am and while I can’t say that I’m “wide” awake, it should be obvious at any rate that I am awake. And for no good reason.
Lights were out at 12:30, and tiny, insignificant noises were happening outside. Mostly involving the fact, I can only assume, that our party-havin’ neighbors were having a party. Not even a loud one. But here I am, 90 minutes later, still on the internets, still awake, and still listening. It’s been pretty quiet out there for the last little while, and I’m starting to feel myself winding back towards sleepiness. I must congratulate myself at least a little for being determined enough to get out of bed and read blogs rather than stay in bed and worry about noises. The world always seems a lot less scary when there are blogs involved (also included in world-is-less-scary category: music, tv, radio, news, Lewis, kitty – external validators of normalcy).
I don’t even know what it is I’m up about tonight. Sometimes as my day is getting on, especially as I’m in the zone of last-things-before-bed, little disruptions can really put me off sleeping. I usually ignore them and try and sleep anyway. But it can be something as simple as Boo being loud or seeming especially nervous, or a loud noise hours ago, or something haven fallen over or spilled, or whatever… For me tonight it started with the neighbors having a stranger party than usual – they put up bright lights, and had a big fire (on their deck? in a barbeque, i suppose..) and were playing ping-pong. Totally innocent, but it felt like that meant tonight was going to be troublesome. Like they could put lights up and play ping pong in some sort of challenge to the rest of the neighborhood. Like the whole neighborhood would be feeling irreverent and hazardous.
It probably doesn’t help that I slept so long last night so I’m probably more well-rested than I ought to be. Or that we were packing and junk all day. I’m definitely feeling unsettled having our rooms in disarray as such. Boxes everywhere. And real moving on the horizon. I imagine that’s the truth of the sleeplessness tonight — I’m nervous about moving, and I’m really wishing we were moving ASAP (as in, tomorrow). But I’ve got to be calm and patient as possible. Being pent up doesn’t seem to be getting me any further than being awake. And that’s a stupid thing to be at 2 am when Lewis and Boo are sleeping so soundly so near me.