The Laursonian Institute

Just got back from a really great workshop our department hosted.  Or rather, the first half; the second half is tomorrow morning.  It’s a nice format, placing small blocks of speakers on one topic next to blocks of speakers from a very different topic, and then opening the floor for panel discussions in between.  The discussions have been really informative and through-provoking, and it’s great to see people interacting outside of their subfields and asking great big-picture questions.  The theme of the whole workshop is something like, “new methods of data analysis in applied linguistics” or some such, which is really just a way of saying “talks on quantitative stuff from a bunch of underrepresented subfields”.

Today we saw panels on cognitive neuroscience and neuroimaging, and then one on translation, interpretation and second language corpora.  I wasn’t expecting to get much out of the latter, but it turned out to be surprisingly eye-opening, which I suppose is what the department was hoping us graduate students would get out of it.  They actually scheduled their speakers with us in mind (which I think is a really nice gesture), so almost everyone in our department is really excited about at least one talk.

The neuroscience panel certainly didn’t disappoint.  We saw a talk on eye-tracking and body movement, one on ERPs, and one on phoneme repair and fMRI.  The best part of these, for my future anyway, was hearing the regular “theoretical” professors talk at the cognitive guys and ask the kinds of questions I’m trying to ask and answer too:  what place does linguistic theory have in neuroscience?  Will neuroscience eventually replace linguistic theory as our models of brain and cognition grow more sophisticated?  What can we generalize from these blobs on the brain, anyway, and why should linguists care?  Why do these studies if they don’t increase our knowledge of linguistic structure, or give us a better processing model?  Lest it sound like I have no faith in my chosen future, I should point out the answer to these questions isn’t entirely damning.  There’s certainly a shake-up in the future of linguistics, and cognitive neuroscience seems to be the battlefield for this.   The panelists agreed that the future of this research is going to be graduate students who have both linguistics and neuroscience training, which is what I’m trying to do.  We need researchers who are conversant in both domains.    And I personally believe that fMRI and ERP have a lot they can tell us about processing models and linguistic storage and representation.  Besides,  it’s very good to know the kinds of questions the more philosophic and theoretically concerned members of our field have.

Having said that, it’s time to head over to the after-party, which is already in progress!

October 9th, 2009 | Tags: big picture, conference, inspiration, linguists, neuroscience, workshop | Category: school | Comments Off

I’m sitting here at the lab, waiting for the very last step in my data processing to finish.  I started with raw text files that the fMRI scanner outputs while you’re doing your business, and when this model finishes estimating, I’ll have a whole set of pictures of someone’s brain.  This is awesome.  It is also extremely time-consuming.  I’ve been working on it for the last four hours, and this is only one subject’s worth of data, for one portion of the study.  Oy.  This is why we’re trying to get this batch scripted.

Life, other than the data-processing portions, is going very well.  I acted quickly on this advisor thing and submitted to him an admission of my pipe dream project.  Turns out, he also thinks it’s cool and not impossible, and would be “happy to support this effort”.   In that he’s already given me a carte blanche for designing and running an fMRI study, and that I’m right in line to start something for my second QP… I’ve basically hit the jackpot.  It’s not going to make him any easier to work with, but it certainly makes me feel secure in my choice.  It’s nice to be listened to!

I had a really awesome section this morning, which was also a nice surprise, given how poorly this material went over in the previous sections earlier this week.  I changed it up quite a bit – had them work in small groups instead of all trying to solve the problem with me on the board.  Also we listened to The Beatles while we worked, and I thought that did a nice job of waking them up and getting them moving this morning.  9 am can be a little bit early for any kind of critical reasoning skills to be awake, so any little bit helps.  I’m definitely going to retry this music + phonology problems idea next week.

I was offered another research opportunity today which I wisely declined.  With this fMRI thing ready to plow ahead full steam (and full steam it should be, given how long this stuff takes), I just don’t really have time to dabble in other projects.  I did agree to record stimuli for this neat language contact experiment our resident creoleist is undertaking, but he understood that I was too busy to attach myself any more than that.  I did have a good idea of who else in our department would be good at this stuff, so hopefully my name dropping gets me some good karma points.

Geesh, it’s almost 5 already.  I keep thinking this thing is on it’s final rendering step… and then it’s not.  Time to go home and leave it to run?  Guess I won’t make it to my pretty brain pictures after all.

October 8th, 2009 | Tags: advisor, data, fmri, lab, meetings, research | Category: school | Comments Off

O, blog.  Without you where would I dump by brain overflow?  I mean, besides onto Lewis.

Much excitement in the first few weeks of school.  Notably, today I picked an advisor!  It’s the same person I’d had in mind for the last few quarters, but I finally just took the plunge.  It makes sense in certain ways, and it somewhat of a poor fit in others.  I’m trying really hard not to pigeonhole myself though, and take it for what it offers – opportunity, money,  resources, plans, goals… – and not worry too much about the ways in which I don’t fit the paradigm.  The truth of the matter is, I’m not a single-domain sort of person, and any advisor I pick is going to have a focus that’s not wholly my own.  So I’ve settled on a useful one, and now I need to make the best of it.

Being comfortable in your own skin is a very difficult thing to consistently be.  I’m feeling three times as comfortable being me this year than this time last year. TAing is going well; it’s not as terrifying as it could be, and my relationship to my students is only one facet of the nature of my studenthood.  My classes are going well, but again they only make up another small portion of my life, which is tempered by reality.  I have no idea what papers I’m going to write for either class, but as for now it’s not causing me any stress.  My advisor is teaching one, and said that a research proposal could be submitted in place of a paper.  Given that we’re working on developing a research proposal anyway, this could be a rather advantageous overlap.  My favorite professor is teaching the other one, and the subject is something I really do not excel in, but I’m feeling confident I can bend the matter into something useful for myself.

The strangest thing about being a second year is the odd semblance of a plan forming in the horizon.  It’s at times completely terrifying, and at others rather soothing.  Today, I feel soothed.  From this vista, I can see the four things that must happen between where I’m standing now, and my doctorate.  There’s a paper I must finish this year.  I’m not sure what that’s going to be on yet, but I have two nascent but promising ideas.   One easier than the other, the other more useful than the first.  One of them will get done.  And when it’s done, I’ll have a masters.  I have a second paper to do, the one which I intend to be this research project with said advisor.  It should be the pilot for the research that will be my dissertation.  When it’s done, and I’ve taken my oral exam, I advance to candidacy.  From there to the PhD is a blur of having no classes, and doing a lot of self-guided research.  This is where the architecture of the lab comes in particularly handy – some structure in an otherwise structureless life.  The only thing keeping life moving steadily forward – classes – are coming to a close.  After this year, we needn’t take classes full time, or at all.  Provided that I’ve finished the set amount before I write that second paper, my time is my own.  The idea of finally running out of classes to take seems impossible, but it’s true.  At some point, it’s research, not ritual.

On that note, I have some work for classes to undertake.  I should enjoy it while I can!

October 6th, 2009 | Tags: advisor, future, plans, research | Category: school | Comments Off

It’s been a lovely weekend, though also a bit of a trial since it was our first school weekend in months.

Some notable accomplishments – we went on a hot air balloon ride over Davis, which I firmly avoided thinking about in advance.  Got a little nervous watching them set up the balloon, but once we were in the air, it was really rather enjoyable.  We got some mid-flight photos I’ll be sure to put up to prove that I did indeed voluntarily get into some kind of crazy flying apparatus.  One of the nicest things about the whole adventure was actually getting to the Yolo County Airport before dawn.  I’ve never seen a Davis sunrise before, and it was quite a beautiful sight from the fields outside of town.  Also, Davis is adorable from the air.  We had a wonderful view of the big ranch houses on the north west side of town, with all their walnut orchards and gardens and such.  Also got a great areal view of the corn maze, and the Silveyville Christmas Tree Farm!   Both things I think we’ll need to pay a terrestrial visit to this fall.

Had two birthday parties this weekend, which were about as different as can be.  Went to Ariel’s 23rd, which involved lots of grad students and beer.  Also jello shots (which were frozen… not at all enticing) and beer and such.  We didn’t stay long, since we had been up since 5 that morning, but it was a very nice little shindig.  Tonight we went to Lewis’ aunt’s 60th birthday party at a fancy-pants restaurant in Sac.  Really delicious food, 3 course meal and nice wine and the works.  It’s good to have family in town supplementing the hot dog diet we’ve been living on since Lewis’ birthday party.

Other than that, I spent the rest of the weekend doing syntax reading.   It’s some thick stuff, but not entirely unenjoyable.  I really like the professor teaching this class, so I’m feeling confident that it’s all going to be interesting stuff when we get to it in class.  My thoughts are sadly still in the feeling of vertigo I’m getting looking at my future.  These new students are really throwing me for a loop even though I’ve never really met them.  The second year is not exactly easy.  Last year we were all fresh-faced and more busy making good impressions than worrying about the near future.  This year we have to have our first QP done, and could conceivably have our master’s degrees by summer.  I don’t think I actually will, since I’m not taking one of the classes I could (should?) be right now… but I’m also not worried about it, since getting my masters this year or next year doesn’t really make a difference in the overall trajectory.  What I am worried about is this damn QP and my aggravating advisor and lab situation.  But I’m going to do my best not to get too worked up about all this before I have the meeting which is theoretically happening this week.

Well, here we come, first full week.

September 27th, 2009 | Tags: ballooning, birthdays, fretting, friends, parties, reading | Category: life, school | Comments Off

Day one of classes, finished.

My night closes with me feeling more confused, lost, and hesitant than I have been in a while.  This is probably okay.  Perhaps even expected, since you can’t really go through your PhD without having at least one period of aimless flailing and panicking about not having a future.

Despite this, my day was pretty good.  We had our first 103A class this morning, and I think it might be a TA’s dream.  A few of the kids I’ve taught in Lin 1 are in this class, and if they’re the measure by which I judge the overall character of the class, we’re in good shape.  The only students of mine that are signed up all got As in Lin 1, and I consider all very bright, promising linguists.  The professor teaching it is very laid back, and section attendance is not mandatory, so I’m hoping it all adds up to a stress free quarter at least in the TA domain.

I also had the first of my real classes today – just syntax.  We’re doing a really interesting topic in this class, and it’s being taught by one of my favorite professors.  I’ve had classes from him before, and he has the singular ability to teach very complex theory so carefully that it all ends up seeming intuitive and logical and very much digestible.  We’re definitely going to need that to get through this class, because we’re learning very much non-standard syntax, and it’s a system not a single one of us has worked with before.  But so far, it sounds really intriguing and I’m looking forward to getting into it.

We had a great hang-out of ling folks afterwards.  We chilled in our office for a while, and unlocked our secret door (it leads to the library next door, but you can’t actually get through it because it’s mostly blocked by a bookcase.   Got some posters hung up as well, and planned a cleaning day for us all to come in and tidy the room up.  It should be worth the work, because right now it’s covered in cobwebs and dust and uncollected homeworks stuffed in bookshelves from classes taught 5 or 10 years ago.  I love my classmates, and especially my office mates!  We all met later this evening for drinks at Sudwerk, and got to talk about how things are going so far and the new kids and such.

This talk is really what has left me feeling so conflicted.  Some fears of mine are feeling a bit confirmed with regards to the professor I was thinking about picking for my advisor, and the lab I’m trying to work in.  I’m just not sure this is going to be a good direction for me, and I need to do a lot of hard thinking about whether it’s one of those things worth fighting for, or one of those things that it’s time to walk away from.  But on the other hand, our hang out tonight also reminded me how much I love the people here, and how supportive and pleasant everyone is.  Even if my advisor issues are making life here frustrating, there are lots of people to help get me through it.

That is, if I survive the hot air balloon ride that’s knocking at my door at 5:45 tomorrow morning!

September 25th, 2009 | Tags: advisor, classes, drinks, fretting, friends, taing | Category: school | Comments Off

All I have left is to print it, staple it, and bike it to campus.

I have no idea what happens after I turn that paper in.   Well, other than I have a 2:30 meeting to find out what the rest of my next two weeks is going to look like.  Summer project, ho!

June 8th, 2009 | Tags: finals, papers, projects | Category: school | Comments Off

It’s been quite a productive day, eh?  I feel like I’ve been working nonstop.  There’s a trajectory of zone-ness.  Avoidance, then heart-pounding timeloss, an overwhelming sense of largeness, and lastly warm optimism.  I’ve been feeding off warm optimism all night, watching PBS and pottering through some of my essay.  There’s something wonderful about an approaching deadline, like you’ve been cursed with a pox, and you’re about to finally see the doctor.  Maybe you don’t like the doctor, but you know that after you see him, you’ll finally be better.  I’m ready to be cured of my deadlines.  And I’m ready to drain my head of the swelling ideas – encephalitus of the research organ.  The looming possibility of acheivement and satisfactory performance.  10 more days.

May 30th, 2009 | Tags: future, papers | Category: school | Comments Off

Today was a go-go-go-go kind of day.  My buddy and co-TA Ariel emailed me last night to say that she had gotten food poisioning (boo!) and asked if I could take over her sections today.  I have my Friday section at 9, and she teaches the 10 and 11 sections… so that meant three straight hours of teaching this morning.  It actually went really well, and it was the last week of section for our Friday kids, so it was kinda nice to know I wouldn’t see these folks again.  I had to bump my office hours back an hour to accomodate the sections, so by 1 when I was finally free, it had already been quite a long day.  Tried to grade papers over lunch, and then I had my three-hour typology class… by then I was pretty spent but I hadn’t even started on my own work, let alone finished grading for the day.  So I had Lewis come pick me up and take me out to dinner (I had to be driven to school this morning because my bike tire was flat and I didn’t have time to fix it!) and then I came home and got right back to work.  Now it’s 10:30.  And it’s bedtime.  But i got so much done today, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing.  Kids taken care of, essays graded, classes attended, and I’m ready for my weekend preparing for the big presentation Monday.  I’ll try not to panic about that too much between now and then… but damn if I’m not a bit nervous.

May 29th, 2009 | Tags: dinner, friends, grading, papers, taing, tired | Category: school | Comments Off

Another day wasted on an early morning migraine – 7:45 am this time. So on the plus side, I didn’t have to bike to school in the heat. Though I did miss my students turning in their essays, which is a shame since I kinda like to keep an eye on how things are going there. Lewis managed to pick them up for me later, and so at least I’m not behind on my grading. I got sadly little work done today, though I did read a paper and write the first section of my neuroscience essay. Mostly I just wasted my day, waiting for my head and eyes to feel like they were done being pressurized. 10 day to go or so, eh? Maybe that’s what’s stressing me out.  But for the record can I just slip this in: Three migraines in four weeks?  What the fuck?

May 28th, 2009 | Tags: essays, grading, migraine, papers, school | Category: life, school | Comments Off